Plastic or Paper?

More and more people are getting more aware of the impact of our day to day activities to our environment.  This is more evident in the new ordinances that some of the cities here in the Philippines have put into effect.  Like now, in Las Piñas City, when you go to the malls or groceries, they don't use plastic bags anymore.  Your purchases will be placed in paper bags or you bring your own recyclable bags.  At first, like most new things, it can be quite a hassle, specially if you forgot to bring your own bag and you have to commute carrying all your purchases in brown paper bags without handles.  But once you get used to it, and you think of how in your own little way, you have contributed to helping save our planet, then it definitely is worth the effort!

Temper

As a child (until I was in my early adult years), I have been known to succumb to the occasional temper tantrums.  Although, of course, they were much less often as I grew older.  I am not known for my patience but rather for the lack of it.  When I gave birth to my first child, my son, Adam, my friends and family told me that I was going to have to learn to be more patient and that there always has to be room for compromise.  They were right.  Specially now that Adam is already about to turn 3 years old and I have a newborn to take care of, being a mommy also means being a negotiator, a nurse, a playmate and a teacher.  All the said occupations require a certain amount of patience and understanding.  I cannot just lose my temper.  I cannot just launch into a shouting session or be angry at my kids.  Even as a wife, I have learned to control the sudden surge of emotions that come with not getting things to go the way you plan it.  Life just doesn't work that way.

Coping

Looks like I'll be doing one post a month again... I just came from a couple of weeks of complete bedrest as ordered by my OB and I'm at a loss as to how I'm going to deal with the mountain of work that was piled on my desk while I was "out".  There's also hubby's change of work to take into consideration... I'm just thankful that I have a very supportive mother-in-law who has been quite a huge help in the financial department.  And of course, I wouldn't be able to cope if it weren't for my parents and youngest sister, Mae, who takes care of my little prince when I can't.  Thank God for blessings like a supportive family, without which I wouldn't know what to do!

Family First

I have always envied my friends who are SAHMs, I feel they are able to maximize their quality time with their kids, not to mention be there to witness practically every milestone of their children's life. This is one of my frustrations... not being financially able to quit my job and leave the earning part to my husband. I am very thankful for having a good-paying job and for having a husband who works hard and is very responsible. I am also grateful for having a family who takes care of my little boy while my husband and I work. I am specially appreciative of the blessing that is my son. I just pray that in the future, we would be able to afford to live on my husband's earnings so I could concentrate on being a mother and a housewife. Having said that, I apologize to my former classmates who never tires in inviting me to get-togethers and reunions. Sorry for always declining... It's just that I have very few free time and these precious moments, I really want to spend with my baby. I do have a social life, it's just that they're limited to workout time or after-office "chikahan" over coffee with my friends and co-workers. I have never been an extrovert, even as a teenager, I have always preferred being at home, playing couch-potato or tinkering over an art project. I guess I'm what you'd call a homebody... it's what makes me happy. I don't fit in in crowded, noisy places. I very seldom have the desire to dress up and go to parties and on the rare occassion that I attend an event, I do so just to see and be able to catch up with old friends. This is who I am, I do miss my college buddies, high school barkada and gradeschool friends, but given the choice whether to spend the weekend going to a restaurant to meet former classmates or cozy up with my son, hubby, a DVD movie and a bucket of popcorn... I'd choose the latter.

Change of Plans

It's official... we're ditching the party idea for Adam's 2nd Birthday celebration and treating him to a family "field trip" instead... He hasn't been to the Manila Zoo, so we're bringing him there.  And then the whole family is going to eat out wherever we feel like it...  The decision was made last weekend when we found out my youngest sister needed money for school.  I just feel so wasteful to spend the money for a one day affair when someone I love needs it for something that will last her a lifetime.  So, I talked to hubby and we agreed that since, Adam got the big party bash for his 1st Birthday, we're going to celebrate in a more subtle way this year.  This way, I know Adam would be able to appreciate the trip more, plus we'd be able to give my sister a more meaningful gift.  By the way, my sister, Mae, is already in her last year of college and she's celebrating her 19th birthday on the 28th of January!

Weekend

Weekends these days aren't really as relaxed... Since I don't have help, I do the laundry on Saturday mornings and attend to Adam the rest of the day. When Adam wasn't walking yet, it was easier, but now that he's really mobile, we very seldom spend it lazing around in the house, enjoying the quiet time. These days, even when we are watching a video of his favorite toons (Pocoyo, Handy Manny & Mickey Mouse Clubhouse), he would say "Mommy, bas tayo" or "Mommy, walk tayo bas". And you have to either keep him busy with something else or succumb to the call of the outside because he wouldn't stop asking. Sunday mornings, I spend ironing my and charlie's uniforms then it's family bonding time once again. But as I watch "my boys" goofing around or just sitting together, I feel like our weekend time together is always "bitin". How I wish I could spend more time with my hubby and son...

Optimistic

I want to start the year right, I want to be able to blog more yet work as efficiently and be a mom and wife at the same time... talk about multi-tasking!  Anyway, 2010 has been a year of ups and downs, like most years are, and I'm sure 2011 would be another roller-coaster ride.  But whatever blessings or obstacles come our way this year, I want to stay positive and stay mature about everything.  I have been a bit of a procrastinator for the past several months but I want to do away with that this year.  Optimistic and Participative... that's what I want to be more of for 2011.  I'm crossing my fingers, praying hard and concentrating as hard as I can so I would be the best I can be for this year and the years to come!

Neck-Deep

Sleep-deprived and barely coping... that's how I would describe myself these past couple of days.  Adam has been sick for almost a week now.  We brought him to the doctor and was prescribed medication for Asthma (haaay! kawawa naman, my baby).  What's different this time is, gone were the days when it was so easy for me to get Adam to take his medicines... I guess he just has had enough of it.  He cries a lot and pushes away the meds.  Even when I try to nebulize him, he gets cranky and throws a fit.  Of course, even the shortest time of crying would cause him to cough even more and oftentimes he would throw up.  He lost his appetite, even for milk.  Now his weight is down and although he is beginning to start drinking milk again on a regular basis, he still gets cranky a lot.  To make matters even worse, I've had to cope (and am still coping) with a lot of RUSH work at the office.  And this is not even because I forgot a deadline or I was remiss in doing my job.  I have been waiting and waiting for instructions and for approval of layouts and whatnot for days and now that the "event" is near, the "higher-ups" realize that they only a few days to come up with results.  And of course, now they delegate me to deal with the "technicalities" and produce results in a snap.  Aarrrgh! I am trying my best but I can only do so much... last night (or shall I say this morning, since I slept around 1:00 AM), I had the strangest "dream": I was neck-deep in what seemed like black "goo" which looked really yucky and garbage-filled.  I was trying to come up but I was sinking.  Good thing, I woke up because I was already in a state of panic.  Weekend, I need you now!

Everyday Battles

I know everyone has their own problems and sufferings... I know that there are more people out there who are much more less fortunate that I am and I continuously pray for all of us that we be able to hurdle our obstacles and live through each day with hope in our hearts, but sometimes it just helps to rant. There are just limits to how much one person can take -- emotionally and physically -- and when that limit is reached, you either take a breather and then have another go at whatever it is you need to do or cry and vent out your feelings to prevent implosion.

All my life, I consider myself lucky, to have been blessed with parents and grandparents who has shown me affection and has given me everything that a growing girl needs (and more). As for me, I cannot truly say that I have been vocal in showing my appreciation for all the blessings that I received but believe me, I have always been thankful. I am generally a quiet person and often keeps to myself... sometimes this trait is mistaken for being a haughty or downright mean. If they only knew... I'm just not the type to make the first step... not the type to present myself to get noticed or get attention... I'm just a shy girl with all these ideas in my head that I'd rather share in writing or only when asked to. So even as a student I have excelled in individual projects -- ones that I can really sit with and contemplate about on my own and then apply my own ideas in. Not to say that I'm not a team-player because I can be that, also. It's just that I'm better working on my own. I guess I have brought this trait along with me as I grew older and matured to the woman that I am now. It may even be the reason for this blog... an outlet of my thoughts and ideas... of my raves and rants. In gradeschool it was a "diary" (a thick pink one with the "little twin stars" on the cover); in highschool, it was "journal" (a purple hard-bound notebook with loads of stickers and dried flowers on the cover and in the pages); in college it was an "organizer" (a red cloth covered one with inside pockets filled with pictures and calling cards and post-its); and then I took a rest for several years... no more "dear diary", no more "to do list", just the occassional post-it stuck on my mirror to remind me of a chore or a shopping list... now this. Anyway, I have gotten carried away and has babbled on and on... the point is...

I may not always be airing my views and opinions on every topic imaginable but it doesn't mean that I don't care about them. I may not always say out loud my thoughts on a subject being discussed but it definitely doesn't mean I don't want to be bothered with them... Sometimes, I just would rather listen... weigh things out in my mind first before forming an opinion. And besides I consider myself sensitive enough to know when to open my mouth and when to shut it. Granted I don't always have to consider other people's feelings first but more often than not I try not to vent directly to the person I disagree with at the heat of the moment for fear of saying something I will regret later and ultimately cannot take back. Sometimes I just want to keep quiet and let things take its natural course... So when people -- not really involved in the issue -- MEDDLE in affairs they know very little about and talk behind my back, it irritates me in the highest level! Don't they have more important things to do rather than to speculate and put words into my mouth?! Shouldn't they be minding their own business and settle their own affairs first before involving themselves in yet another problem -- one that they don't even have the slightest connection to, in the first place?!

We all have our everyday battles... some are trivial and some more complicated... but it's the decisions we make that make us the people that we are. It's the battles we choose to take that's important. And when we choose these battles, we should NEVER let it slip our minds that other people could be affected by our words and actions... because we live in a society where each one of us is one way or another linked to another person, either by choice or by chance. Because no man is an island. Because that's just the way it is.

Time flies...

My son turned 10 months yesterday... as I was feeding him macaroni soup which my dad cooked, when I suddenly realized how big he has grown and how fast he continues to learn new things. In just two months he's going to be a year old! How time really flies...

It makes me really thankful... for his continuous good health... for each smile... for each giggle... for each hug... for his just being there... my baby boy.

At the same time it makes me also regretful of the times I don't get to spend with him... for the times he has to be taken to the doctor and I can't be the one to do that because I have to work. I hope he will grow up to know that everytime I am not with him, my heart aches... that if it were only possible that I stay with him every minute of every day, I would.

"I love you my baby boy!"

Credits: Dreaming of a Golden Night Add-On Kit by Fanette Design

What now?

When I think about it, it never ceases to amaze me how sometimes we choose a certain path with a certain goal in mind but when we reach the end of that path life surprises us with a totally different venue that we often get confused and oftentimes disoriented.  Before, I dealt differently with these "curve balls"... I used to punish myself by thinking about the choices I've made and dwelling on the "what ifs".  Now, I just take things in stride and pray that I would have the strength and wisdom to overcome the obstacles that come my way.  Recently, my mom was diagnosed with partial parkinson's disease.  Anyone who has been reading this blog in the past months would know that my mom is the one who takes care of my son, Adam while go to work everyday... Last week was a battle... I had to go on leave for a week because although my brother could help me out with Adam, he is far from experienced with regards to diaper changing, giving a 5-month old baby a bath, etc.  This week is a whole different battle -- yes, I'm back at work but my mind is constantly on the move as to how we could solve our problem with who would take care of my baby.  It's fortunate that this week my sister is on a week-long leave and is able to take care of Adam but the weeks to come after this is still a big question mark!  A nanny would be the perfect solution, of course, but hiring one isn't as easy as 1-2-3.  These days, it really is quite hard to find a nanny with whom you would be able to trust enough to leave your kids with.  (*SIGH*)

My Shopaholic Confession

Hi! My name is Heidi and I'm a Shopaholic! 

I have always been a bit out of control when it comes to spending time and money whenever I get near a mall or even the remotest of "tiangges" but I really thought I have been cured of this "addiction".  But I was mistaken!  It seems, my recent giving birth has just elevated my being a shopaholic to a new level.  If before, my shopping tendencies were just limited to trinkets and the occassional expensive, branded, items for myself... now, I have discovered a different kind of happiness whenever I buy something new for my adorable baby boy!  And just like most mothers out there, I wouldn't settle for just the "ok" stuff... I browse the shelves and display cabinets for the best (which are almost always the most expensive) baby things and don't even think twice as to how big a dent it's going to make on my budget or if my baby already has it in a different color.  All I can think about is... no, wait... I don't think much when I'm shopping for little Adam, I just say "oh isn't this cute" or "this would be perfect for Adam" and buy, buy, buy!

And then of course, the minute I got home my mom made just one comment and I was brought back to reality... That most of the stuff I bought, my son doesn't really need... they're just darn cute... that I probably wouldn't be able to pay for my purchases (I used my credit card when I ran out of cash, which wasn't very long after I filled up my cart with baby things) until my son celebrates his first birthday... that I still have a lot more important stuff I should have spent the money on!  This made me think of an upcoming movie adapted from a book I read a year or so ago... Confessions of a Shopaholic.  Hmmm... hubby and I will have to make it a movie date and see this movie if only to see my shortcomings from a different perspective and maybe... just maybe I'll be cured.

Catch "Confessions of a Shopaholic" in Cinemas on February 18, 2009!

The Waiting Game

It's more tedious pala to wait to go on labor when you're on leave na... My maternity leave started yesterday and after accomplishing the remaining stuff to do on my list before I go on labor... now I am getting bored... waiting... I have flipped through channels until my eyes are blurry na. Last check-up (January 17) my OB said Adam's still too high and I was only 2cm...

Wanted: Nanny

Last night hubby and I found out that his cousing who we were expecting to come and live with us next week to help out with the coming of Adam isn't coming anymore.  I don't want to elaborate on her reasons for not coming because that's her problem... But now, she gave us a problem.  All the while, I was thinking I'm lucky that I don't have to worry about hiring a stranger to act as nanny to Adam when I go back to work after my 60-day maternity leave, but now I'm at a loss as to what I'm going to do.  I'm very meticulous when it comes to running my household and so I'm not very keen on hiring a house help.  Specially before... It was only Charlie and I who lives in our apartment and we do most of the house chores ourselves.  Of course, it's going to be different now that we will be having a baby.  We can't afford for one of us to stop working yet because we're still making payments to a house we bought last year.  We haven't even started improvements on that house yet (which, naturally, will bring about more expenses) because we're still saving for that.  Hmmm... now I have to figure out something that will iron out the creases in my now crumpled plan!

Hiring a nanny is the only option I have now, but I don't even know how to start or how to go about finding one.  Plus there is the stranger factor... I mean it's hard enough to entrust your baby to a relative while you go to work, it's triple hard pa to do so with a total stranger!  I mean, if I find one in an agency, am I assured that that person would be less likely to run off with my baby?  Gosh, am I paranoid or what?

Anyway, I couldn't sleep last night thinking of what to do and now I'm typing away, early in the morning... fooling myself into thinking that if I write about it, if I voice out my concerns, a lightbulb will eventually light up and I will find the "great" solution to my dilemma...  But that's just wishful thinking... Now I have to first shut up about it and think hard.  Besides, I have a schedule for a check-up today.  I don't want to look stressed when I go to my OB.

Mushroom Burger

Yesterday afternoon, my youngest sister, Mae texted me that they (My Mom, Dad and her together with a couple of my Aunts) were on their way to Tagaytay to look for a plant to add to my Aunt's already wide variety of collection. I wanted so much to come but since I had work, I was unable to. And then later, Mae texted me again that they were near Mushroom Burger already... and so I texted her back that if they came home without a "pasalubong" from MB for me, I would really, really be disappointed! Nyahahaha! It worked! Last night, I had a King Mushroom Burger straight from Tagaytay!

I have only good memories associated with this burger... As a child, we would always stop at the Mushroomburger joint whenever we're near it... On our way to visit my Aunt's family who lives in Batanggas, when we go to Tagaytay for day trips, or whatever. Basta, I have happy recollections when I think about eating a mushroom burger. Haaay, plus it's so sarap pa!

Going Through the Motions

Lately, I have been very slow in accomplishing work assigned to me. I feel tired and sleepy almost all the time plus the motivation just isn’t there these days. I guess because there are certain factors in the office that prevents me from being fully goaded into doing my best work-wise. Don’t get me wrong I still do the things assigned to me, but compared to what I can probably produce within an hour before… Let’s just say it takes me twice the time to finish a report I would normally accomplish way before the deadline. Nowadays, I would put off facing a certain report or task until I absolutely “have to”. Haay, I just pray that matters would improve in the coming months because I just don’t see myself working here long term anymore… It’s like I’m just going through the motion without really taking things to heart.

I read what I have written and I know I sound like I’m whining for no particular reason but believe me when I say THERE ARE REASONS! I just refuse to enumerate them and specifically pinpoint anything here in this blog because I don’t want to “incriminate” anybody and worsen the situation. Besides, for the moment, I have no other job prospects and intend to stay working here as long as I have to, if only for the monthly income (however low that income is). Times are hard nowadays even with both me and hubby working that I can’t really see us living the way we do now with just him working, specially now that we’ll have a little one to provide for soon. I guess I just have to stick it out here for a while longer…

Be patient, Heidi… There are others who have worse problems than you. And the way thing are now, I don’t think it could get any worse… Things could only be better in the future (however far that future seems right now).

On the Road to Recovery

I guess it is quite a feat to overcome sadness and despair when one has lost a loved one, I witnessed my cousins grief today as we bid our farewell to Tito Eddie. His eldest daughter, Elida, particularly was wailing and calling out "Daddy, Daddy" as his coffin was being lowered to the ground... And I fought to hold back the tears because I know how painful it must be for her. It is just a blessing that her children were all there to cry with her and then later on to try and amuse her. She was not able to refuse to smile when her youngest daughter tried to entertain her on the way back to the house. God really works in mysterious ways... He knows how to slowly heal broken hearts... to slowly ease the pain of the bereaved. Thank God that my cousins, neices and nephews are all going to be alright.

Toxic!

It's been a while, I know... It's just that lately I have been spending less and less time updating my blog or even going online to check my mail. Work has been really taking a lot of my time, even at home and coupled with the meetings and seminars that I have to attend, I just can't seem to finish everything and have time to spare. When I get home, it's a blessing that my Dad has cooked dinner already and so that's one less thing to think about but then I don't have the energy to do anything else than take a shower, watch TV and wait for hubby to come home so we could have dinner and shortly after that we go to bed already. During weekends, I have ideas on what I can blog about but I end up doing chores instead or just watch gossip girl online with my youngest sister. I cannot promise to snap out of this soon but I'm trying...

Terrific Tuesday

I normally wouldn't call a day which started with an upset stomach a terrific one but I am bursting at the seams with happiness at little secret that I am trying to keep for a while. I just need a little more time before I can write about it... Soon I hope!

Anyway, yesterday was a non-working holiday so hubby and I just stayed home all day, watching DVD and being couch potatoes. I gave him a pedicure and manicure (it's one thing I enjoy doing for my loved ones) which he loved and then I gave myself the same treatment too... I tried on this shocking red color on my fingernails which surprised Charlie because I normally don't wear nail polish but then again I just wanted to be different...

Today, I woke up not feeling so well... I had a slight headache plus my stomach was rumbling a bit. I thought I was just hungry so I drank a cup of coffee and ate breakfast. By the way, hubby went to work earlier than usual today so I had my coffee and breakfast alone... After eating, my upset stomach got a bit worse so I went back to bed for a while and was contemplating on whether I was going to work or not. After a while though, my stomach seemed to have settled into its normal state so I took a shower and went to work. Now I tell you, I'm still not that enthusiastic about work because the workload is super heavy these days and the summer heat is really adding to the burden of doing the work in a room with no airconditioning unit but like I said... I have a secret... and it's keeping a smile on my face no matter what...

Grateful

I was tagged by Juliana with this and although it took me longer than I anticipated to be able to post this, here it is:

Every morning, I thank the Lord for yet another day He gave to me. I know life can be full of challenges or happiness but either way, I am grateful that I get to live it. I am grateful for a husband who is very patient and understanding, in spite of my shortcomings. I am grateful for having a job, no matter how hard or boring it can get, I realize that not everyone who wants to have a job gets one so I tell myself that I am fortunate enough to be one of those who earn for a living. I am grateful for my family without whom I wouldn't be the person that I am today. I am grateful for all the blessings that I was given -- good education, happy childhood, strong faith, well-built relationships, wonderful siblings, dependable parents, meeting my one true love-my husband, and so much more. If at times I forget to say Thank You for these ever growing list of things to be grateful for, those are just the times when the challenges seem greater than they really are. At the end of the day, I know I am still very fortunate to have lived a life with a firm belief that no matter how times get rough -- "This too, shall pass"

*Start Copy*
In order to be able to achieve and maintain happiness we need to, actively, be able to do two things: Complain and then let go (Dump the baggage, the roadblocks to happiness.) Express Gratitude (The open expression of gratitude promotes happiness.) After all everyone has something to be grateful for and/or something to complain about. If you would like to share, please follow the appropriate link and do so: “Are You Grateful?”, “Complain Complain Complain.”
Add your name to the current List of Contributors: 1-Attitude, the Ultimate Power 2-Max 3-DianaCA’s Metamorphoses 4-Mental Poo 5-My Thoughts 6-Baba Doodlius 7-Wake Up America 8-Life is a Roller Coaster 9-Life is beautiful 10-Pinay Mommy Online 11-Nelle-LucidCreativity 12- Juliana of PinayWahm 13- Juliana’s Lair 14 - Winged Words 15-INSERT YOUR LINK HERE

Tagging: Mae, Jhona, Dana and Maeyo