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02 December 2009

Everyday Battles

I know everyone has their own problems and sufferings... I know that there are more people out there who are much more less fortunate that I am and I continuously pray for all of us that we be able to hurdle our obstacles and live through each day with hope in our hearts, but sometimes it just helps to rant. There are just limits to how much one person can take -- emotionally and physically -- and when that limit is reached, you either take a breather and then have another go at whatever it is you need to do or cry and vent out your feelings to prevent implosion.

All my life, I consider myself lucky, to have been blessed with parents and grandparents who has shown me affection and has given me everything that a growing girl needs (and more). As for me, I cannot truly say that I have been vocal in showing my appreciation for all the blessings that I received but believe me, I have always been thankful. I am generally a quiet person and often keeps to myself... sometimes this trait is mistaken for being a haughty or downright mean. If they only knew... I'm just not the type to make the first step... not the type to present myself to get noticed or get attention... I'm just a shy girl with all these ideas in my head that I'd rather share in writing or only when asked to. So even as a student I have excelled in individual projects -- ones that I can really sit with and contemplate about on my own and then apply my own ideas in. Not to say that I'm not a team-player because I can be that, also. It's just that I'm better working on my own. I guess I have brought this trait along with me as I grew older and matured to the woman that I am now. It may even be the reason for this blog... an outlet of my thoughts and ideas... of my raves and rants. In gradeschool it was a "diary" (a thick pink one with the "little twin stars" on the cover); in highschool, it was "journal" (a purple hard-bound notebook with loads of stickers and dried flowers on the cover and in the pages); in college it was an "organizer" (a red cloth covered one with inside pockets filled with pictures and calling cards and post-its); and then I took a rest for several years... no more "dear diary", no more "to do list", just the occassional post-it stuck on my mirror to remind me of a chore or a shopping list... now this. Anyway, I have gotten carried away and has babbled on and on... the point is...

I may not always be airing my views and opinions on every topic imaginable but it doesn't mean that I don't care about them. I may not always say out loud my thoughts on a subject being discussed but it definitely doesn't mean I don't want to be bothered with them... Sometimes, I just would rather listen... weigh things out in my mind first before forming an opinion. And besides I consider myself sensitive enough to know when to open my mouth and when to shut it. Granted I don't always have to consider other people's feelings first but more often than not I try not to vent directly to the person I disagree with at the heat of the moment for fear of saying something I will regret later and ultimately cannot take back. Sometimes I just want to keep quiet and let things take its natural course... So when people -- not really involved in the issue -- MEDDLE in affairs they know very little about and talk behind my back, it irritates me in the highest level! Don't they have more important things to do rather than to speculate and put words into my mouth?! Shouldn't they be minding their own business and settle their own affairs first before involving themselves in yet another problem -- one that they don't even have the slightest connection to, in the first place?!

We all have our everyday battles... some are trivial and some more complicated... but it's the decisions we make that make us the people that we are. It's the battles we choose to take that's important. And when we choose these battles, we should NEVER let it slip our minds that other people could be affected by our words and actions... because we live in a society where each one of us is one way or another linked to another person, either by choice or by chance. Because no man is an island. Because that's just the way it is.


cheryll said...

ei sis, *hugs*

i'm not an "out there" person myself, preferring to "feel" a person's vibes first. ganyan ako, kaya medyo hindi ganun karami ang friends ko. it takes some time for me to open up to a person kasi mahirap maging "ambassadress of goodwill" tapos later on you realize di mo pala sya feel. hehe.

as for meddlers, let them be. mapapagod din ang mga yan :P

Heidi said...

Thanks sis! I guess I just can't help being affected kasi nga some people want to "discuss" each issue while it's still "hot" e hindi ako ganun e!