Troubles

Lately, I have been looking for the right words... the strength... the time... to be able to put into writing the quite busy and trouble-laden weeks that has been plaguing me.  First, I am having quite a difficult pregnancy and although I have been advised by my OB to take a leave of absence from my work, I just can't.  Short of someone offering us financial assistance, hubby and I just can't afford a month or so of me not having any form of income at all.  We are barely able to save up for my forthcoming delivery from both our monthly income as it is that I just can't imagine how we can survive if go on leave now.  So that's that... I can't complain about having work because it's a blessing that both hubby and I have jobs when others don't, I just pray everything's going to be alright with baby #2.  See the thing is I have a low-lying placenta and... well to make the long explanation short, it is causing me pain and I have to take meds and all that... and hopefully my condition will improve soon!  And then, just when I am having difficulty moving around like I did before, Adam got sick, and was cranky and wanted to be carried all the time.  Of course, I can't carry him for more that a minute or so, so I had to ask my hubby and sister to do it for me but Adam wouldn't have it that way so he got even more cranky and short of just breaking down and crying with him, I had to be more creative in keeping him entertained while he was still feeling sick.  Oh, and of course between me and Adam having to take meds, it only means even more expenses...  *sigh* even writing about it makes me exhausted... I just pray these troubles go away soon!

All Day Sickness

While I was preggy with Adam, I didn't get to experience what most of my friends and relatives said they did while they were pregnant - morning sickness.  So, these days I'm thinking "be careful what you wish for..."  It's not like I wished for it, I sort of just shrugged at them when they were saying that it was hard for them to wake up in the morning because you feel like you're going to throw up any second... Well, here it is... and worse, because I also feel it in the afternoon and sometimes at night!

The solution:  Currently eating small but frequent meals; I always have saltines and/or hard candies in my bag; and I take 5-minute naps whenever I get overpowered by drowsiness.  Hopefully, I would be able to overcome this stage really soon because it is quite a damper on the happiness of being pregnant, not to mention, it becomes a hassle when I have to attend to Adam but I feel so sick to do so. :(

Neck-Deep

Sleep-deprived and barely coping... that's how I would describe myself these past couple of days.  Adam has been sick for almost a week now.  We brought him to the doctor and was prescribed medication for Asthma (haaay! kawawa naman, my baby).  What's different this time is, gone were the days when it was so easy for me to get Adam to take his medicines... I guess he just has had enough of it.  He cries a lot and pushes away the meds.  Even when I try to nebulize him, he gets cranky and throws a fit.  Of course, even the shortest time of crying would cause him to cough even more and oftentimes he would throw up.  He lost his appetite, even for milk.  Now his weight is down and although he is beginning to start drinking milk again on a regular basis, he still gets cranky a lot.  To make matters even worse, I've had to cope (and am still coping) with a lot of RUSH work at the office.  And this is not even because I forgot a deadline or I was remiss in doing my job.  I have been waiting and waiting for instructions and for approval of layouts and whatnot for days and now that the "event" is near, the "higher-ups" realize that they only a few days to come up with results.  And of course, now they delegate me to deal with the "technicalities" and produce results in a snap.  Aarrrgh! I am trying my best but I can only do so much... last night (or shall I say this morning, since I slept around 1:00 AM), I had the strangest "dream": I was neck-deep in what seemed like black "goo" which looked really yucky and garbage-filled.  I was trying to come up but I was sinking.  Good thing, I woke up because I was already in a state of panic.  Weekend, I need you now!

Everyday Battles

I know everyone has their own problems and sufferings... I know that there are more people out there who are much more less fortunate that I am and I continuously pray for all of us that we be able to hurdle our obstacles and live through each day with hope in our hearts, but sometimes it just helps to rant. There are just limits to how much one person can take -- emotionally and physically -- and when that limit is reached, you either take a breather and then have another go at whatever it is you need to do or cry and vent out your feelings to prevent implosion.

All my life, I consider myself lucky, to have been blessed with parents and grandparents who has shown me affection and has given me everything that a growing girl needs (and more). As for me, I cannot truly say that I have been vocal in showing my appreciation for all the blessings that I received but believe me, I have always been thankful. I am generally a quiet person and often keeps to myself... sometimes this trait is mistaken for being a haughty or downright mean. If they only knew... I'm just not the type to make the first step... not the type to present myself to get noticed or get attention... I'm just a shy girl with all these ideas in my head that I'd rather share in writing or only when asked to. So even as a student I have excelled in individual projects -- ones that I can really sit with and contemplate about on my own and then apply my own ideas in. Not to say that I'm not a team-player because I can be that, also. It's just that I'm better working on my own. I guess I have brought this trait along with me as I grew older and matured to the woman that I am now. It may even be the reason for this blog... an outlet of my thoughts and ideas... of my raves and rants. In gradeschool it was a "diary" (a thick pink one with the "little twin stars" on the cover); in highschool, it was "journal" (a purple hard-bound notebook with loads of stickers and dried flowers on the cover and in the pages); in college it was an "organizer" (a red cloth covered one with inside pockets filled with pictures and calling cards and post-its); and then I took a rest for several years... no more "dear diary", no more "to do list", just the occassional post-it stuck on my mirror to remind me of a chore or a shopping list... now this. Anyway, I have gotten carried away and has babbled on and on... the point is...

I may not always be airing my views and opinions on every topic imaginable but it doesn't mean that I don't care about them. I may not always say out loud my thoughts on a subject being discussed but it definitely doesn't mean I don't want to be bothered with them... Sometimes, I just would rather listen... weigh things out in my mind first before forming an opinion. And besides I consider myself sensitive enough to know when to open my mouth and when to shut it. Granted I don't always have to consider other people's feelings first but more often than not I try not to vent directly to the person I disagree with at the heat of the moment for fear of saying something I will regret later and ultimately cannot take back. Sometimes I just want to keep quiet and let things take its natural course... So when people -- not really involved in the issue -- MEDDLE in affairs they know very little about and talk behind my back, it irritates me in the highest level! Don't they have more important things to do rather than to speculate and put words into my mouth?! Shouldn't they be minding their own business and settle their own affairs first before involving themselves in yet another problem -- one that they don't even have the slightest connection to, in the first place?!

We all have our everyday battles... some are trivial and some more complicated... but it's the decisions we make that make us the people that we are. It's the battles we choose to take that's important. And when we choose these battles, we should NEVER let it slip our minds that other people could be affected by our words and actions... because we live in a society where each one of us is one way or another linked to another person, either by choice or by chance. Because no man is an island. Because that's just the way it is.

I've Been A Slave...

an office slave that is... for the last couple of days and it's good that I finally got the chance to take breather! Work has been specially hard these past few days what with the constant pouring of reports to be accomplished, inventories to be done and new documents to be filed and cataloged! I am really grateful that my youngest sister helped me out yesterday with sorting out some of the documents I need to file (she's staying with me for the summer and I asked for a huge favor so she helped me out in the office) but still, there's still a lot of work to get done and not that many hands to do it on time. Am I complaining? Yes I am, because I have had enough "understanding" why I cannot be given a clerk to at least help me with the filing and receiving... why my office cannot be installed with an airconditioning unit when everyone knows that it is freaking hot in there... why some people cannot do their share of work and arrange their files properly so that it wouldn't add to my already heavy workload and most specially why I am hard at work all the time when I see some of my co-employees just taking it easy and kidding around with one another! If I just didn't take out a housing loan recently, I would definitely not have second thoughts about quitting this unrewarding job that I have and find fulfillment elsewhere! Oh please God, give me strength because the pressure is slowly getting to me already and my head is already throbbing from thinking of ways to de-stress!

Following Instructions

I guess I belong to a group who believes in giving other people the benefit of the doubt. I mean when I give out instructions to fill out certain forms and make a report, I believe I am giving such to responsible and educated people who will be able to accomplish them with ease. This is precisely the reason why I am irritated with the reports that were submitted to me... I mean, you'd think if they didn't understand the instructions they would at least call my attention and ask... but no! They proceded to make their own interpretations and do the reports haphazardly! Haay! Now I have to redo everything and double check each and every entry! Why?! Why do they make my office life so hard?

In an office environment (or mostly everywhere, actually) being able to follow instructions is an asset. It would be beneficial to everyone if only people were to follow rules and regulations. We would probably be living in a less polluted, less complicated world if that were the case. But let's be realistic, there really are people who seem to be physically and mentally incapable of following rules and I cannot change that... what's bugging me is when people who are supposed to be well trained in the jobs that they are assigned do not deliver what is expected of them just because they don't listen when they are given specific instructions. Haay... I don't know what else to say... I have said my piece, I know this will not be the last that this is going to happen, I just hate it when I have to repeat everything just because other people are irresponsible!

Monster Monday

I woke up this morning from a scary dream, I can't remember the details except for a few bits and pieces but I remember suddenly becoming aware that it was just a nightmare and a feeling of relief came over me...

Anyways, it's always hard going back to the usual work week after long weekends, actually I tend to think, it should be longer... boy, do I wish for a vacation right about now... But here I am back to work... back to the paperwork that needs to be done, back to the endless filing of documents, back to the room without an airconditioning unit! Summer heat is already making its presence be felt and who more to feel it than me? I sure hope I don't get an asthma attack soon because I don't want to be burdened with more work after a sick leave! Haay, why do I always feel that whenever I go to work on mondays, there's a monster lurking behind the door of my office? It's because we don't have a janitor on our floor these days and I'd have to do the cleaning all by myself! And the dust, could very well be a monster for someone with asthma like me! As if I don't get enough cleaning chores at home, I have to have cleaning chores at work too?! And today is specially more dirty because of the long weekend and my imagination is running even more wild than usual because of the nightmare I woke up with! Anyway, this is just another way of me venting out my feelings... now I'll be doing a little bloghopping during coffee break to relax my mind and be entertained by reading other bloggers' posts. And then it's back to work!

Working for a Living

These are the times when I wish that I am just a stay-at-home wife... workload seems to be extra heavy these past couple of days as there are reports, left and right that I have to accomplish before the Thursday-Friday holidays. Not to mention the report that has already been lined up for when we go back to work on Monday! Oh, and that's not all... the airconditioning in my office has yet to be installed and the summer heat is already starting to make it's presence be felt! But these are just ramblings of a tired and grumpy person (that's me!) Of course, I appreciate the fact that because both me and hubby are working, we were able to take on a housing loan and we will be able to move in to that house in several months... that we don't rely on anybody else for our expenses... and most of all, that we are able to afford the things we need and even some luxuries (provided it doesn't make such a huge dent on our savings that we are alotting for the renovations of our new house!)... haay, life...

`Tis The Season...

It's been a while so just bare with me and the long post up ahead...

Over the Weekend: I did a multitude of chores around the house, so much in fact that by Sunday afternoon I was like a gadget nearing its "battery empty" stage with no charger in sight! Yikes! I know some may say that I am over-dramatizing this but hey, I'm just human and to tell you the truth up to the time when I got married I was not used to doing everything on my own... I lived with my parents and although I knew how to do most house chores I was not obligated to do anything at all! So just imagine the major adjustment I have to endure whenever I go home tired from work and stressed with all the office happenings but still find myself at the beginning of a list of things to do, this time at home. Anyways, I'm not really complaining even though it might sound that way... I'm just... well.... just airing out my feelings, that's all! In fact all this independence and being responsible for a lot of things it's just a bit overwhelming at times specially over this weekend when Charlie had to go on uber overtime at work which meant I had to do ALL the weekend chores on my own. Some may ask, why not get a maid or something, but when we start contemplating on getting one the cons outweigh the pros of getting a househelp so we'll just have to endure this period of adjustment and maybe eventually not be so bothered with the endless chores we have to do (either that or eventually succumb to the urge of finding a maid!).

Monday until yesterday (Wednesday): I was not able to go to work, I woke up early morning feeling nauseous and dizzy. After a trip to the comfort room and a splash of water on my face, I checked my temperature and found it at 38.9 degrees so hubby declared that I was not to go to work and just stay at home and rest. By the middle to the day our neighbor brought me congee and a huge can of juice. Apparently Charlie asked them to look in on me from time to time because he could not NOT go to work that day and he was worried about leaving me alone, sick. I was feeling a bit better the next day (Tuesday) but decided still not to go to work to avoid relapse or something, besides I was still feeling a bit queesy. By Wednesday I was feeling a lot like my usual self already but hubby insisted that I still take time off to rest so still, I did not go to work but by noon, I was already feeling restless and bored. I even made several phone calls to my mom (It was her birthday yesterday, her 60th) asking her if she wanted me to go with her somewhere but she said I should rest and that she didn't really want to make such a big deal out of her birthday so I said ok we were just going to have to celebrate some other time (in fact I am already planning a big retirement celebration for her come March, shush! it's still a secret, hehehe!) Anyways, I ended up changing the curtains and beddings in our room instead because, well... I was bored! Besides I rationalized to myself that it's time to change the beddings anyway because I got sick there and whatever virus that I got sick from must have infected the beddings thus the need for change, hehehe! Plus I disenfected the whole bedroom... by late afternoon our room smelled faintly of a hospital with all the disinfectant I used but then it looked immaculately clean and organized that I felt good and treated myself to a yellowcab pizza delivery, which I shared with our neighbor, also as sign of thanks for being there when I was sick.

Now: Here I am back at work, a mountain of paperwork waiting to be organized and filed but decided to post this first before tackling the major workload that I have to finish today. I'm a renegade, I know... but what can I do, I just feel that it's a travesty that at a time when there are twinkling lights in the hallways and wreaths and lanterns on the office windows and doors, it is definitely not the season for paperwork... `tis the season for cheerful parties, wrapping presents and exchanging smiles and stories with people you have not talked to or seen in a long time.

Monday Madness

I came to work a bit late today because I still feel queasy (eversince friday, I feel nauseous almost all the time) and found a montain of paperwork to be accomplished and reports to be done due tomorrow! Why does my always start this way? It's not as if I don't do the work assigned to me on time... it's just that work keeps piling up because I do all the work alone in a department that's supposed to consist of three people at the very least! I cannot help but whine about stuff like these because I always feel stressed and pressed for time. I really hope the staffing pattern for our office be enforced already because I don't know until when I would be able to endure this much work pressure. Specially now that I am not feeling well...

And now there are a lot of office intrigues and gossip going around and they are just irritating! It's not that I'm the one being gossiped about but it's just so frustrating to think that these people have spare time to gossip and cause intrigues about our co-workers when there are others, like me, who work almost non-stop! Well, I guess in an organization there are always certain factors that you cannot control and would definitely dampen your spirits but I really pray that things would work out without people getting hurt.

Back from Baguio

I arrived at around 10pm last night from a three-day seminar in Baguio... Now I feel so tired, and I took extra vitamin C supplements because I feel a bout of colds coming. I must tell you that I have been to Baguio several times before already and I've stayed at Teacher's Camp several times already also but this is the worst experience I've had visiting Baguio and Teachers' Camp. First, the room that we were assigned didn't have a comfort room of it's own so we had to share a common CR and shower stalls with almost a hundred other participants. And then the room also didn't have a single electrical socket so we had to go out to the hallway and plug our cellphone chargers there and stand there waiting or sit on the floor of the hallway or leave our phone there for anyone to see and get! In the morning I had to wake up super early so I would be able to take a shower because like I said we had to share 6 shower stalls with many others, and if you're late in taking a shower you would experience very little water supply or none at all and you have to wait several minutes for them to replenish their water in their tanks or something to get water again. But what's worse is there is not a hint of a heating system for the water so you end up taking a shower with freezing cold water! Haaay, I don't mind that so much because I like getting cold showers (although normally not that cold) but most of the participants are already middle-aged and some are even as old as my Mom so you can just imagine their agony in having to endure the cold weather as well as the cold showers as well! And then the overflowing number of participants rendered the dining hall jam-packed! If you were one of those people who walks slowly then you would have to endure the long lines queued to have breakfast, lunch or dinner. And if you're one of the really, really unlucky ones, after lining up and waiting for a long time you end up with a different, less tasty, hastily prepared make-do of a meal because the supply of the meal that the earlier diners were served has already been consumed. Haay, naku! And as if matters weren't bad enough... it rained, and rained, and rained... the 2nd day of the seminar granted us rains that made it even harder for us to enjoy Baguio. It's a good thing that the last day was a bit more cheerful because we were blessed with sunny weather and the organizers decided to fast-track the last topics so we could go home early. I am not blaming anyone though, this is just a typical rant, stating my dilemma about the situation... I know that Teacher's Camp is under a lot of renovation now and that the unexpected influx of participants gave the organizers of the seminar a situation where they had to make-do with a lot of things, but hey... I'm entitled to whine a little, right?

I still like Baguio though, I love the weather and I like seeing flowers bloom all around you so I would still come back and bring my hubby there (who is from Ilocos Sur, a stone's throw away from Baguio, but he has never been thre) this January... I would just have to make sure that we would have better accomodations and we would be able to enjoy the scenery and the weather! Anyways, I'm here now... home, safe and devoid of pasalubong because we werent able to go out and scout for the usual things we buy from Baguio, but there's still January...

Bits and Pieces

Over the weekend, I went through a roller coaster of emotions...

Let me get over the "nakakainis" part first... Ok so we live in an apartment, so obviously may kadikit yung house namin. There are four units in this apartment building and we all share one gate. My hubby and I live in apartment B, the second unit from the gate. Originally we were looking at Apartment A kaya lang Charlie and I decided not to get it na lang because It was bigger than the three other units (which naturally makes it cost more), and since there would be just the two of us (Charlie's cousin is just temporarily staying with us while undergoing training for work and would probably move out by November) it would be impractical if we got a big place. Besides, we didn't want the house nearest to the gate because we knew we would always be bothered with the comings and goings of tricycles, vendors and the like. So anyway, For about a month and a half now, apartment A is being occupied a family of 5 (a couple a bit older than me and charlie, and their three kids - all boys, with ages ranging from 5-10). Now I know boys can be a bit boisterous but hey, I have cousins and nephews too but let me tell you... even my most hyperactive nephew gets tired and stays quiet once in a while but these boys... they're like the energizer bunny! Times three! But I still keep my cool, whenever they get too loud or their mom's incessant yelling asking her kids to stop whatever it is they are up to for the moment gets on my nerves, I just go to my room and count to ten then read a book or do anything to take my mind off the noise. But last Saturday, it got worse! Way Worse! I think they were having a celebration of some kind because they had a lot of visitors so at first i didn't really mind the noise they were creating with their loud "kwentuhan" and even louder music. I went about my usual Saturday chores like cleaning the house and doing the laundry. While I was hanging the last pieces of clothes I have just washed, I noticed that there was smoke coming from our neighbor’s area so I followed the direction where the smoke was coming from and there, in front of their house I saw one of those charcoal-powered stoves. Now I cannot, for the life of me, understand why they would place such a contraption there when there is a bigger space on the side of their unit, nearer the gate, when they know I was doing the laundry and their smoke-producing stove would of course generate smoke going towards the direction of the other three units. But still, I didn’t say anything and just went about my business of hanging the newly-washed clothes. I took out two of our electric fans and pointed it in such a way that the smoke would be “shooed” away from my laundry. Then as I was about to go on an afternoon siesta (this was around 3pm already) after doing other household chores… they started their videoke session! Talk about bad timing! So anyway, I still didn’t want to play the “kontrabida” to whatever it is that they’re celebrating so I just closed my windows and doors and attempted to sleep (to no avail). Their noise barrage lasted until around 10pm that night. The next morning, Sunday, Charlie and I got a “rude awakening” so to speak. I guess their visitors slept over because there were still quite a number of people there, and they were watching this war movie at seven in the morning! In full volume! With matching reactions from the audience! I mean, gosh! I thought a bomb went off or something! So hubby and I had no choice but wake up early (we usually sleep in until 10am on Sundays and go to church in the evening) and get out of the house ASAP! We spent the day at the mall, just window shopping and trying out new food joints (we went to three different restaurants! Nakakagutom pala mag-mall ng walang binibili, hehehe!). When we finally came home at around 9pm that night, I guess our noisy neighbors ran out of steam (at last!) and stayed quiet the rest of the night.

Now the good part… What I really liked about what happened was that Charlie and I got to go on a “date” again. And what’s more it got us talking about buying a house of our own (far from our noisy, insensitive neighbors). We even talked to a real estate agent that same Sunday afternoon (we found one at the mall) and scheduled a tripping for next weekend. I’m so excited! We are making the first step to owning our own home! I know hindi naman agad-agad kami makakalipat but just the thought makes me giddy!

Anyways, ang haba na pala ng post na ito… saka na lang ulit yung ibang kwento. Back to work muna ako!

Lazy as ever!

I don't know what's come over me lately... I've been feeling extra lazy! I wake up super late na which makes me even more late (if that's possible!) in going to work. It's not that I sleep later than usual, because I haven't changed my nightly habits naman so I still sleep at around 11:30 to 12 at night... minsan nga, I get sleepy earlier pa e. So I can't, for the life of me, understand why I feel so tired and sleepy all the time! What's worse is that I also feel hungry all the time so now, I don't get near the bathroom scale anymore for fear of finding out that I have gained yet another set of extra pounds! Hmmm.... MUST wake up from this laziness!

So anyways, this morning I woke up early and cooked breakfast for me and my youngest sister Mae... I was feeling good about myself because I was thinking... FINALLY! Naalis na yata yung heaviness that I've been feeling for a couple of weeks now. But I celebrated too soon yata because right after having breakfast, while preparing my work clothes before taking a bath, I dozed off! Would you believe it! I actually fell asleep sitting on my reading chair in my room while thinking of what shoes I would wear! Gosh! Talk about going zonkers! Buti na lang mg sister had to get something from our room so she woke me up, if not I would have slept until I don't know when na!

So in conclusion, I ended up not having enough time to blow dry my hair or have a decent dusting of face powder, I didn't even get the chance to put my contacts on, and wore my glasses instead. I had to leave for work in hurry so I just tied my hair in a ponytail while it is still wet and tint my lips with the first lip color that was able to grab! (But I took 5 seconds to take the above picture with my phone to document my booboo!) And then when I arrived at work I found out that I left the keys to my drawers! Ha! Talk about disasters coming in threes!