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06 September 2007

Perditi Diem

Remember I said a couple of posts ago that I will give a detailed "kwento" of the wish I thought was granted but was not pala? Here goes:
My monthly period, before I started medication for PCOS, was super irregular. But after a couple of months of strict compliance with the doctor's orders, my period became a regular monthly event, nyahahaha! (event daw, o!) And then came August... after eight months of regular monthly events, and when I say regular I mean on the expected day talaga ha, dadating sya, me period did not come on the expected day... so I waited... one week, still no period but I didn't want to get my hopes up so soon... on the middle of the second week of delay, I started getting cramps and breast tenderness so I thought, ok, it just got delayed, it's coming now...but still not a single drop the end of the second week I decided to buy an pregnancy test kit. I didn't get to use it though because the next day I got my period... or so I thought... after several drops and a lot of pain, the flow stopped. And so my husband decided to take me to my OB because he was super concerned already that I was in too much pain. So I told my OB the story, she just adviced me to put a hot water bottle on my tummy to ease the pain and said if my period does not come till the next day I should use the EPT kit and text her the result. So the next day, when still no flow came, I tested myself and got two lines... POSITIVE!? I questioned the test because there was one very distinct pink line while the other one is blurred and very faint. I texted my OB right away and she scheduled an ultrasound the following day explaining that the HCG might not be that high yet and the cause for the short bleeding a couple of days before was just implantation or something... On the day that I was supposed to get the ultrasound, it came... painful and heavy. I called my OB and informed her of the new development. She said to come in for a check up after the period na lang but if I experience nausea, excessive bleeding or unbearable pain that I should check myself in at the hospital right away. There was none of that, thankfully! Because I wouldn't have been able to bear it if I found out that I got pregnant but lost it anyway... I could live with the fact that it was just another "false alarm"... it was just not the time yet...
I once read a children's story about a roman emperor named Titus. At the end of everyday he liked to sit and contemplate on the things that he did good for the day. When he asks himself "What good have I done today?" and nothing comes to mind, he writes in his diary "Perditi Diem" meaning "I have lost a day" because he feels that a day that passes when he has not helped anyone or has one way or another done something good is a day lost.
Now, why did I recall this story? Because when I found out that I had another "false alarm" -- meaning I lost another chance at conceiving during this month's cycle I immediately thought... "Pediti Diem". But that's all in past now... there are things that are to be thankful for. Like now, at least I know that my cycle is going on its rightful, normal path. I can endure the cramps, the pain is bearable so long as I know there is a higher chance of getting pregnant.
Oh, and one more thing to be thankful about: today I got a memo containing my promotion/transfer... YEY! I know its effectivity will not be for another 10 days but at least that's one thing off of my "things to worry about".
Now it's back to work for me because getting transferred does not mean you get to leave the paperwork to your successor... it means you have to finish the work that was assigned to you before you start working on the new ones that you will get once you transfer!

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